Fear of Losing Love
The feeling, the expression, the giving and receiving of love is a beautiful experience when are fully and unreservedly open to it. Love is a current of energy that must flow unrestricted. Love is not an emotion, but we experience Love through emoting. E-Motion (Energy in Motion).
We must realise that we are Love first and embody this expression of Love towards ourselves before extending it to others as only then can we truly and sincerely be in Love. How can you be in Love when you are not embodying Love?
We enter a relationship with so much baggage (trauma from the past) hoping that the other person would fix the brokenness in us through our expectation of them.
Check your relationship expectations – does it include things that you can do for yourself without ‘needing’ the other to complete you? When the ‘need’ is not met by ‘the other’ we feel a perceived sense of ‘rejection’.
But in truth… We often reject ourselves first before the one we love rejects us if at all that was the case. So that the trauma of loss/breakup is bearable, and it reinstates, confirms, and perpetrates this fear of losing love repeatedly. The fear of losing love prevents us from being vulnerable and open to something new, it prevents us from being present in the now, and it continuously draws us back to the times when we've lost something dear to us. It is a constant reminder to put the walls & barriers up, Beware! don't give in because if we do we have to go through the same pain that the last lost love caused, and we don't want to put ourselves through that again. Negative ego (selfishness, manipulation, and mind game) is awakened…
"I rejected them first so that I don't have to go through the trauma of them rejecting and leaving me." "I love this person, but I won't let them into my heart, I will keep them at arm's length, I will keep silent, and I will not give too much of myself because of what happened in the past."
"I give the silent treatment, so they'll leave me alone because 'they always leave'.”
"This love is too good to be true, I don't think it would last because they never do if they really get to know me."
(Lack of self-worth kicks in) - "I'm not deserving of this." Etc… Yet...we punish ourselves and ‘the other’ for the choice that we are making in the present.
‘The other’ is a mirror reflection of ‘Self’ in form. This is not giving the other person a chance, and we lose vital gifts, lessons, and growth in this process because we've shut ourselves out of the very thing we are seeking (true & honest Love) because of our past. It takes a great Soul to still give when they are going through their own darkness.
Some say love hurts but this is untrue, the heavy baggage of past trauma causes hurt which we initiate and propagate through our own choosing. Through our own stubbornness, we carry past hurt as an indicator of our present and future experiences. This is the 'fork in the road' blocking progress and growth. Rumi, the great Sufi master and poet in his writings said, “allow your heart to be broken over and over again this is how the light gets in." If you are not rubbed, how will you be polished?
There is nothing to do for Love but to remove all barriers to Love. 7 Mirrors of Self in the ‘Other’.
The 'other' is a gift, a mirror that…
1) Highlight the lack within ourselves
2) What we reject within ourselves
3) What is lost within ourselves
4) What we did not receive from our main caregiver: mother
5) What we did not receive from our main caregiver: father
6) Subconscious programs, of our cultural, social, and personal beliefs - subconscious programs, projections, and fears
7) The wounded inner child Self-love is the antidote for the fear of losing love.
Watch out for a post on Self-love
